i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
