4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
so that wasnt chicken after all
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
