Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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