Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
