Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
