you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Randomize
