woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
