The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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