I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
