I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I AM VODKA MAN
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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