i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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