Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
