Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
