Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
