if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
