Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
did you just send me my own nude
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
