if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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