I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
