Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize