She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
