Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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