I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Randomize
