Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
