How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
