she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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