OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
