Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
