So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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