Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
