You made me cry and you don't even care
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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