apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
