my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Randomize
