is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
