Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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