There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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