who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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