I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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