Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
4 words: hood of his car
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
