Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
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So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
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I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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