i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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