capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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