My room smells like vodka and shame
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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