Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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