I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
