This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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