Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
