maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
