Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize