We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
