I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
