In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
