Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
