the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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