My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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