Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
There's always time for handjobs
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
