Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
