It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
